Family and Weddings

One of the biggest obstacles facing wedding couples is not deciding on the budget, venue selection, or even what foods and beverages to choose---it is family. Family issues are the single biggest challenge that I hear and have to solve over and over again. Why is it that a wedding brings out the worst in some people? Opinions are all important and stubborn traditions are either flaunted or ignored while cousins that we haven't seen in 16 years must be invited to this grand affair. Why?
Brides have come to me in tears wondering why her new soon-to-be in-laws are all full of promises when they hear of the engagement, but when it comes to delivery time, there is no recollection of such commitment. You can be sure that they will remind her of her commitments, but their part has fallen to the way side because they don't like her parents, or her choices of colors, of the "way she is controlling our son!" Why are you treating your new daughter and family member like a leper? One of the greatest gifts you can give to your son is to love his wife like she is your own daughter, regardless of your opinion. How do you do this?
My advice? Grow up! Don't butt in unless asked to help. If you have to do it your way-throw your own party; and don't pout like a first grader if the wedding couple doesn't follow your advice. This is your time to shine and be gracious. Be honest and elegant, welcome your son's fiance into the family, don't penalize her for having different opinions. I realize that you cannot choose your family (believe me--I really do understand!), but a wedding -- the start of their life together -- is no place to demand your own way.
If you promise to deliver the goods, help at the reception, host a wonderful rehearsal dinner, or other such wedding commitments, then please follow through on your promises. Show your children that you are a gracious and beautiful person, by going over and beyond what is expected. Leading by example is still one of the greatest ways to show our children our love for them.