I currently had a bride email me with a dilemma. My heart really went out to her as we tried to figure out how to make good out of a very sticky and not pleasant situation.
Her question to me was:
My mother has offered to pay for our entire wedding ("skies the limit-type of affair") if I do not invite my father and his new girlfriend. I love my dad and want him to walk me down the aisle. I also happen to get along with his new friend; she is very nice. What do I do?
Ouch! What a very tough situation. My advice to her was over several emails and back and forth phone calls. In the end, it of course had to be her decision what she wanted to do (even her fiance` bowed out of the decision-making process on this one!). Some thoughts that I gave her were the following:
1. Can you pay for the wedding yourself so that you can control all of the decisions made?
2. Can you renegotiate with your mother? Maybe your father attend the ceremony and not the reception?
3. Can you talk to your father about his attendance at the ceremony and the reception?
4. Can you live with whatever decision you make?
I know what I would do, but it isn't my call to make. It hurts my heart to see parents using their children as pawns in a game of-how-much-can-I-hurt-my-spouse. A wedding is no place to take out vendettas, get back at a relative, or show off to friends. A wedding is a time of celebration and love. Is is really that difficult to put away your childish thoughts and petty differences for at least one day of bliss and happiness?
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